I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
