pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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