Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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