Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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