Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
