you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
