ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
