Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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