what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
