I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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