It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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