the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
