So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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