alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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