I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
