You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
