I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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