I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
