You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
