before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
