the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
