My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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