I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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