dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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