I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
