Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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