this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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