I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
