We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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