i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
