Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
