There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
