ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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