Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This is my gift to your gina
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
