mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
