We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
