Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
