just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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