Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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