So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
