This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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