actually, I'm a sock model
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
