my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
