yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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