There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
