Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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