ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
