Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
