In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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