I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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