she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
