Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
