he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want to make out with him forever
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
