i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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