I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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