How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
