I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize