Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
