Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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