His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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