the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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