You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
