remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
