fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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