I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
