Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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