Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
