I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
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I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
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Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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