remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
