If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize